Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Things I Wish I Could Say

Steve is away, so I'm kind of bored. I'm also feeling a little irritated. (Probably a mood hangover from those blasted USB spheres.) Result?

Passive-Aggressive Cards

Often I find myself in a public situation where I really, really wish I could say something. You know how it is: you're minding your own business (or trying to) and someone nearby is figuratively or perhaps literally in your space.

But you bite your tongue because, who knows? The other person might have gone off her meds and be delusional. Or maybe he takes exception to gentle guidance, and by "takes exception," we mean "becomes violent." You just never know. 

The following are business-card-sized notes that I sometimes wish I had in my wallet, so as I'm walking safely away, I could nonchalantly hand them to people who catch my attention.

This sentiment is everywhere, but people aren't taking the hint.
Probably because people like me keep cleaning up after them.

Okay, this one is a little harsh.
But you know you've thought it.
Now you can simply slide a card under the wiper blade!

Why is it that so many of the parents of bratty kids
seem to either ignore said children or just plain be mean to them?
It really used to irk me when we would pay for a sitter
so we could go out for a quiet evening at a really nice restaurant,
only to be seated next to a family with cranky children.

I fear for the fate of those ears.

What? I'm just saying.

Useful for loud talkers at work, and for people who yack loudly
about embarrassingly personal matters on their cell phones in public.

And lest you think that I'm all bitch, all the time, here are a couple of other cards I often wish I had handy.

Of course, I'm rarely bashful about saying these last two right to people's faces, but it would be nice to hand them a little note as well. Something they could pin up on the fridge.

I don't think I could ever actually print or use any of these. Could you? What cards do you wish you had handy? (If you come up with some good ones, I'll create them.)

Oh, and if you want to see other, more spontaneous passive-aggressive notes, here's the motherlode.


  1. I need the perfume one, but we can leave off the shower bit :^). That drives me crazy!

  2. I seriously tried to think of a good pet-peeve but I think you covered a lot of the really irritating ones! Jason would have one that says something like "Your wife is not a princess nor is she actually made of sugar and spice and everything nice that might melt in the rain, so please stop blocking traffic and let her walk to the door with an umbrella" but I'm not a personal fan of that one! :P

    I would like one that says something like "Yes, I happen to have a baby and 5 bags in my hands. It would be really great if you stopped staring at me like I'm an idiot and instead offer to open the door or pick up the sweater I dropped." The problem with that one is that I wouldn't have an extra hand to pass out the card!

    Oh! Just thought of another parking lot one... how about one along the lines of "Is your time really so invaluable that you're going to sit and wait on that parking spot, or are you just that lazy?"

  3. Yes, of course you can! (After your comment, I posted a couple myself, so you can repin if you want.)

    Blogger did a weird thing: I got the email notification of your comment, but when I went to my blog post, your comment wasn't there: it had been diverted into requiring moderation!

  4. That is strange. I believe there *may* be a setting that you can set to require your approval for comments on older posts. (And as I type this I am reminded that I earlier realized I should have written "may I pin this" :P)


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