21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together when You're Depressed

Some years ago, I found a wonderful blog post by the DIY Couturier. When I looked for it today, I found that her blog no longer exists. After much digging, I found it on Scribd, behind a paywall. If I thought that the original author was earning a penny off this, I'd leave it as is. However, she wrote it for free publication, so I'm posting it here in its entirety.
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I hope you will share this with anyone who might benefit.

21 Tips to Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Depressed.

by Rosalind Robertson, The DIY Couturier

A while ago, I penned a fairly angry response to something circulating on the internet the 21 Habits of Happy People. It pissed me off beyond belief, that there was an inference that if you weren't Happy, you simply weren't doing the right things. I've had depression for as long as I can remember. It’s manifested in different ways. I did therapy. I did Prozac. I did more therapy. My baseline is melancholic. I’d just made peace with it when I moved, unintentionally, to a place that had markedly less sunshine in the winter. I got seasonal depression. I got that under control. Then I got really, really sick. Turns out it’s a permanent, painful genetic disorder. My last pain-free day was four years ago. So, this Cult of Happy article just set me off. Just anger. Rage. Depression is serious debilitating, often dangerous, and it’s got an enormous stigma. It leaves people to fend for themselves. It’s bad enough without people ramming Happy Tips at you through Facebook. There is no miracle behaviour change that will flip that switch for you. I know, I’ve tried.

A friend of mine, surprisingly, suggested that I write something from my point of view because, manage to give an outwards impression of having my shit together. I was shocked to hear this. And I find this comical, but I see her point. I’m functioning. I've adapted. I’m surprisingly okay. I think the medical term is resilient.

So, here it is. My 21 Tips on Keeping Your Shit Together During Depression

Oh, Interwebs!

Photo by Tony Luciani, entitled "Internal Reflection"
Of it, the Canadian artist says, "Dementia tears you in half.
Both are her and of her, many years apart, but together in her mind."
See more of his art and an interview on SLR Lounge.

Welcome to my periodic round-up of things I've found online that make me smile, cry, laugh, think, shout, or drop my jaw. 

Dorothea and Francisco: A Fairy Tale

Lavender harvest

The first bit of fiction to share with you since the writing camp I attended in July 2015, with Gail Anderson-Dargatz.

     Once upon a time, there was a maiden named Dorothea. She came from a family that was not wealthy, but was hard-working and lived comfortably. When she was very young, she had had a charming prettiness, but as she grew to be a young woman, her mother saw that her beauty was radiant and felt that Dorothea was in danger and so convinced her that she was unlovely and unlovable. Each day that Dorothea looked in the mirror, she heard her mother's words, and her reflection changed so that her hair lost its silky curl and became dull, her skin flaked with dryness and had no colour, and her eyes became cold and hard. In time, she herself said the words, "I am unlovely and unlovable," and looked in the mirror to see hair like broomstraw, skin rough and patchy and eyes that pierced the soul.

Dorothy's Choice

During my visit with my mother in April 2015.

There is one conversation I had with my mother that I would like to share -- one we had while she was in hospital, and that I have reflected on since then.

After I'd first greeted her, she made a comment that seemed a non sequitur: "You've never lived alone, have you Wynn Anne?"

Update on My Mother

Photo from March 2012: me, my mother, her husband

I haven't written about my mother's health since visited her while she was still in hospital following her "silent heart attack." But a few of you have asked about her, so I thought I'd give a little update.

Oversharing

We all learned this one in kindergarten, right? And yet, I've had to relearn it, at least when it comes to family. More specifically: my mother, here on this blog.

How to Show You're Really Listening

I love the lacy foliage of our Japanese maple. It has nothing to do with the content of this post.

Today, I'm going to share a communication skill that, I believe, could be one of the secrets to happy relationships.

So Many Questions

Cholla (pronounced "choya") cactus flower, taken in at Crystal Cove State Park, California

That picture is just a sneak peek of what I've brought back from our week in California. It was beautiful there, as always, but I have scads of pictures to go through, and I want to present them in a way that makes sense thematically. So it'll be a while before you see those.

In the meantime, my fan club* has lamented that I haven't posted in a while, so here's a little something to tide you over.

Maybe we need a Ksenia Alert system.

L-R: Cayman Naib and Ksenia Quiros

Twice in less than one month, I have watched a tragedy play out on Facebook. I'm writing today in hopes that, next time, it plays out differently.

Moving From Choppy Waters to Smooth Sailing

Peace on the water.

When you live (or work with) someone who has repeatedly caused chaos and drama, making negative assumptions becomes as easy for us as slipping into warm water. So how can we move forward without sliding into that comfortable assumption?

Here are some basic assumptions that Steve and I learned in the Family Connections course we took and are now helping to teach.

Regrets

I realize this sounds like a joke, but I am serious.

If you tell me you have no regrets, I can only conclude that you are either arrogant or have an unexamined life.

Because we all make mistakes. We are human. To my mind, if you have no regrets, it means that you have never looked back at your choices and honestly said, I wish I had done differently. Or you've never had the strength to gain that insight.

Baggage

My mother, with her husband.

Today, my husband and I  are heading out on the road to visit my mother, who is still in hospital with congestive heart failure. We learned that she'd had a "silent" heart attack about four weeks ago. Recovery will be slow.

Radical Acceptance

One of the most powerful things we have learned through participating in and now leading a Family Connections program is the concept of radical acceptance. It is an approach that can take one from powerless suffering to building a happy life despite pain.

Is giving up the same as failure?

This will not be true of my story, and that's just fine.
From Positive Outlooks Blog 

It's been fifteen months since I left my last job (but who's counting?), and I still obsess over what went wrong.

We've got something to talk about.

Share with #BellLetsTalk

Most people who have struggled with mental illness, either themselves or a loved one, will talk about "the stigma," the sense of shame that keeps us from seeking help, finding support or compassion.

Up Next

Back in May, I highlighted Borderline Personality Disorder and mentioned that a family member struggles with this disorder. What I didn't mention in that post is that Steve and I have decided to become leaders (trainers) for the Family Connections course for people who have a loved one with the disorder.

Meandering Thoughts on Depression and Suicide

Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.
From metanoia.org

"I wonder why this is hitting you so hard," Stephen mused yesterday, more than 24 hours after I heard about Robin Williams's suicide. It was a question I asked myself.

The moment I saw the word "suicide" in connection with the news, I started crying and have had fits of tears on and off since then.

Why?

Bursting with Pride

A hug for the graduate. (And when did I get so short?)

I am so flipping proud of this girl that I can hardly write this without tears coming to my eyes. Today, our daughter Katie received her B.A. in English Literature (and a minor in Spanish), with High Distinction, from Carleton University. That alone is cause for celebration and pride, but what really impresses me is how hard Katie has struggled to reach this milestone.

Borderline Personality Disorder

Have you heard of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Probably not. I hadn't until a relative was diagnosed following a suicide attempt. A person with BPD has a suicide rate 400 times greater than the general population.

Post from the past: Thinking Errors

This is a re-post of something I originally shared in 2011. Still something I catch myself on.

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Have you ever heard of "thinking errors"? It's a therapy term that captures the many and varied ways our ingrained thinking patterns lead us astray. This blog has a good synopsis of ten of them (I'm sure there are many more).