Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Sticks & Stones
I went to bed last night feeling emotionally bruised. A family member had said something hurtful to me, and I had a hard time getting over it.
It was a comment made in the heat of the moment and I could tell that something else - something that had nothing to do with our conversation - had gotten under my loved one's skin. But the words came out and, boy, they stung.
In my drive for tidiness, I had messed with their space. It offended them and they spat out an insult about my weight.
I showed my shock at what had been said and they grudgingly allowed, "All right! I'm sorry!" But it was too late.
I was profoundly disappointed that they would say such a thing, show such disrespect. I said, "Right now, I don't like you very much. Please leave the room."
Our argument continued for a few more minutes before they walked away. And eventually, I sat down and cried.
I cried because the insult touched a sore spot. Although I make no secret of struggling to keep my BMI below "obese," I guess I like to think that the people who love me are blind to it. I want them to believe I am beautiful, whether I am model-thin or plus size.
I cried because I thought they loved me.
I cried because I had thought better of this person.
And, later, I became angry that no one stood up for me.
It was kind of a miserable evening, but families are like that. We let our guards down and sometimes we say things that we regret, and that we can't un-say.
Today will have to begin the healing. I'll apologize again for invading their space. I'll tell them how much their words hurt me and why. I will hope for a more sincere apology.
And we will move on.