Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Sticks & Stones

I went to bed last night feeling emotionally bruised. A family member had said something hurtful to me, and I had a hard time getting over it.

It was a comment made in the heat of the moment and I could tell that something else - something that had nothing to do with our conversation - had gotten under my loved one's skin. But the words came out and, boy, they stung.

In my drive for tidiness, I had messed with their space. It offended them and they spat out an insult about my weight.

I showed my shock at what had been said and they grudgingly allowed, "All right! I'm sorry!" But it was too late.

I was profoundly disappointed that they would say such a thing, show such disrespect. I said, "Right now, I don't like you very much. Please leave the room."

Our argument continued for a few more minutes before they walked away. And eventually, I sat down and cried.

I cried because the insult touched a sore spot. Although I make no secret of struggling to keep my BMI below "obese," I guess I like to think that the people who love me are blind to it. I want them to believe I am beautiful, whether I am model-thin or plus size.

I cried because I thought they loved me.

I cried because I had thought better of this person.

And, later, I became angry that no one stood up for me.

It was kind of a miserable evening, but families are like that. We let our guards down and sometimes we say things that we regret, and that we can't un-say.

Today will have to begin the healing. I'll apologize again for invading their space. I'll tell them how much their words hurt me and why. I will hope for a more sincere apology.

And we will move on.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about this, Wynn Anne. Why is it that family members are the worst when it comes to making devastating comments? It's as if the normal rules of politeness too often get thrown out the windows in family contexts.

    And I know too well the sting of weight-related comments from a family member. I've endured them for decades. I just keep telling myself that the comments indicate the person in question has issues about these things. I don't have to give in and see myself through their eyes.

    1. Thanks for the sympathy. It's too bad we let go of our good manners around family, but that seems to be the way it is.


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