Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Just imagine.

Don't you just love fashion week? The pretty styles, the trending colours, the unique ways of putting things together.

Also: the freakish hairstyles I wouldn't be caught dead in, the hideous make-up, the outlandish combinations. (I'm looking at you, number 2.) And the bones! Sometimes they look downright painful. (I'm looking at you, number 4; please eat something. Here, have this stick of butter.)

And then there's stuff like this. Whuh?

Is this the haute couture version
of a "halo" traction brace
for a broken neck?
At least that's good for a laugh.

But what really frustrates me is the completely unrealistic bodies these fashion models have. Everything looks good on them! Even ugly blouses with cute skirts. Even painfully pulled-back, greasy, lank hair or a tent and clogs.

It's hard for me to know what might look cute on me unless I [mentally] do something like this:
My Photoshop skills are pretty rudimentary when it comes to body manipulations.
I don't know how to widen the waist without making the arm skinny.
  • shorten the model by about 10 inches (I'm 5'2")
  • widen by about 15%
  • increase bust size significantly
  • all but erase the waist
  • add some flesh to the arms
  • soften the shoulders
  • de-sculpt those cheekbones and clavicles
  • shorten and widen the neck so it looks less like a giraffe.

(My legs are still pretty good, so I didn't do any touch-ups there.)

And there we have it: an approximation of what these frocks would look like on me.

Number 1 is just: meh. Pretty colours, and it looks like it would be comfortable. Maybe for a lunch date?

Numbers 2 and 5 are just fugly. Especially number 5.

I like 3 and 6. I really kind of love number 6. And the puffy-hip dress isn't half as bad as it first appeared, once you have a top to balance the balloon-butt. (I do love the print.)

You know what? I think I like some of them better on a more curvy figure. Also, a smile would help.

How about you? How do you translate "fashion" into what will work on your figure?


  1. I am hopelessly fashion-challenged, don't even comprehend fashion runway shows, can never envision what something will look like on me, and usually limit to something on sale. But I found this interesting, to see what you did with the photos. Just for fun, here's my take on the outfits you photoshopped:

    1 Looks like an apron with nothing on under it.
    2 Mom would have said "you're wearing THAT??" (never mix patterns - Mom's rule 2. #1 was blue and green should never be seen...see dress #5)
    3 In real-life, would look better on a hanger. Or on a body like a hanger. Like the model.
    4 Pretty summer fabric, but unflattering neckline for most of us. You improved the model.
    5 I actually kind of like it.
    6 Great fabric, cute outfit, but not sure if the fabric would be better as curtains.

    1. The neckline in number 4 really is weird, isn't it? I couldn't figure out how it was being held up.

      I had the same thought about the fabric in number 6. Maybe it's a modern take on Scarlett O'Hara.

  2. I love love love what you did there. I wish runway models actually looked like that!!!

    1. I find the extreme skininess of runway models quite ghastly, and I think most healthy people do, too.


What did you think? Any comments?

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