Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Get it Right the First Time | UPDATED

All for show.
Excuse me a bit while I vent my curmudgeonly spleen.

This just in: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon renewed their wedding vows while still in hospital after their twin babies were born.
This just in: Heidi Klum and Seal renew their vows every year. (Every year!)

Update: Both Nick and Mariah and Heidi and Seal divorced in 2014.

I suppose that in celebu-land, home of the highest concentration of insecure narcissists on the planet, this sort of makes sense, but I still find it really annoying.

Remember that part about "Till death do us part"? [Ooh, love parsing that phrase!] Did one of you DIE in the interim between your first vows and the vows you're taking today? I may be wrong, but to me, the whole point of making that commitment before god, family and community was that you were saying it for once and for all. It's not like having to renew your library books or your video rental: it doesn't expire.

What usually pops into my head, cynic that I am, is that, in fact, the marriage very nearly did come crumbling down and that the renewal of vows is a desperate attempt to get back to basics. Kind of like a New Year's diet; done with the best intentions, but not necessarily with the proper drive. Some celebu-renewals bear this up:

Didn't Al and Tipper Gore renew their vows before he had an affair?
Didn't John and Kate renew their vows a year before their marriage ended?

Maybe there's also some gloating to it: "We're celebrities, but we've remained married for 36 months!" It smacks of dating in high school: "We're getting pretty serious; this is our 3-week anniversary."
In the most innocent cases, I suppose the couple just loves each other so darned much and wants to shout it from the rooftops. And has nothing better to do with their time or money ...

Yeah. I still think it's lame.

Of course, you can bet your sweet patooties that if I still fit into my wedding dress, I'd probably have a renewal party every year, just to gloat about my 24-inch waist. (See how I gloated anyway?)

But I would totally understand if people thought it was lame and only came for the free champagne. Just like I would come to your renewal.


  1. Actually, I kind of understand the whole renewal thing. If you are a narcissist, you need an annual reminder that marriage is about serving the other person, not yourself. I imagine many of the worst celebs would need an hour-by-hour reminder of that. On the other hand, for normal folks, the annual cycle of holidays (Valentine's, anniversary, birthday, Christmas, etc.) provides plenty of opportunity to reflect on what love *really* means.

  2. That's actually a very good point. Somehow, however, I doubt that most celebs renew their vows as a reminder of servitude.


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