|Windblown meadow with trashcan lid|
Step 1: Order a custom photo case that looks roughly like this. (Hey, we didn't say this would be easy or inexpensive.)
|The phone number is because you never know.|
We call this the "camouflage" design as it so beautifully blends in with nature. (The picture was taken at Stanley Park, Vancouver.)
Step 2: After having watched a video of the horrifying effects of sun damage to skin, generously slather your face with age-spot-fading, high-SPF lotion.
|"dark spots" = age spots. Let's be honest.|
Smooth the excess lotion onto your hands to help lighten the age spots there.
UPDATE: I somehow failed to mention that this lotion is incredibly slippery, like a Teflon coating. It does not absorb into your hands. Even hours later, something else slipped out of my hands.
Step 3: Go for a very long, sweaty walk on a reasonably hot day.
Step 4: Pause to take a picture off the side of a bridge. With your sweaty, slippery hands, lift your iPhone through the bars to get a clear picture.
Step 5: Watch helplessly as the phone flies into the bushes and tall grass below you.
|This is rough reenactment. I didn't think to bring my camera with me when I finally found the phone.|
Pray that the phone's battery doesn't die, that it doesn't rain, and that mowing crews do not visit while you are gone.
Step 7: Within 90 seconds of returning to the site of the incident, glance down and catch a glimpse of the case peeking from beneath the bending grasses, weeds, and branches. This is called being inconceivably lucky.
Based on a true story. Some details have been changed to protect the innocent.