Post from the Past: 50 Ways to Leave your Covers

Originally posted in December 2012

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Sleeping Beauty
Photo credit: Prince Charming

On Facebook this morning, I posted the following status:

I posted it because I truly have a hard time waking up. Often, the voice of Neil Sedaka swam through my head as I hit the snooze button.

Within minutes, a sharp-witted friend posted a comment saying, "Fifty ways to leave your covers." And the games began. Here, therefore, for your amusement, is our adaptation of Paul Simon's song, with thanks to Martha and Pete.

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Covers

"The problem is all inside your bed,"
She said to me.
"The answer is easy if you
Don't take it drowsily.
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To wake up.
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.

She said, "It's really not my habit
To sleep nude,
Even so, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued.
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude,
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.
Fifty ways to leave your covers."

[CHORUS:]
"Hop outta the sack, Jack.
Make a new bed, Jed.
Don't fluff that pillow!
Just listen to me.
Throw back the quilt, Wilt
You don't need to hit snooze much!
Just lose the duvet, Ray
And make yourself tea."

She said, "It grieves me so
To see you sleep again,
I wish there was something I could do
To help you greet the dawn."
I said, "I appreciate dreams.
But would you please explain
About the fifty ways?"

She said, "Why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light."
And then she kissed me,
And I realized she probably was right:
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.
Fifty ways to leave your covers.