Monday, November 18, 2013

This was not the plan.



Late last week, I had a talk with my boss about how I'm doing. It was a tough talk because, in spite of having cut back to half-time, I'm still exhausted and my joints complain loudly. "Weary to my bones," as Simon & Garfunkel sang.

I told her I needed to stop work. Trying to keep the boat afloat at work while allowing my body to recover balance was just not working; it was a disservice to my employer and to myself. If I'd been with them longer (years instead of months), I might have asked for a period of leave without pay, but they've already been great about allowing me to try part-time.

If I knew what I was dealing with (mono, say) and could anticipate a recuperation period, I'd be in a better position to negotiate. But I'm still living with unknowns.

And because of my values -- hard work, commitment, professionalism -- I was unhappy feeling that I couldn't give 100%. I knew I needed rest, but felt ashamed coming in late or leaving early. I felt apologetic, especially toward the team of people I supervise. (I don't like calling them "my employees" because I don't own them and I don't even pay them myself.) I felt disappointed in myself, like I'd let people down, people I care about.they deserve more.

So, today I tendered my official resignation, giving a few weeks' notice, during which I will continue my part-time hours.

And it kind of sucked, but I got through it. My colleagues and team were incredibly supportive and understanding.

This may end up being an early retirement, but I kind of hope not. I enjoy the mental challenge of work, and the social interactions. I hope to take on some consulting work or freelance writing, but if my health doesn't improve, then I'm not sure how well that will work.

Mostly, right now, aside from feeling tired, I feel so very grateful that this is even an option for me. If we relied on my income to pay the mortgage, then I'd keep plugging away. Instead, I have the luxury of stepping away for a period of time, restoring body and soul, and then looking at a different plan for my future.

For now, "I'm just trying to get some rest."

10 comments:

  1. I made the same decision to go part-time for my health this year. I'd love to say I did it to be home with my kids more (which is a fantastic benefit) but I honestly just needed to take care of me. Funny how it can be such a hard decision to make. (And funny how part-time really doesn't as much as I thought it would...)

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    1. I didn't realize you had switched to part-time. I was wondering where you got the energy for your outings and activities with the boys. (That Halloween costumes!)

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  2. I hope both of your feel better! Definitely look after yourselves.

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    1. I know the feeling, and how important it is to set the right priorities in life!

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    2. Thanks, Katie. Looking forward to painting with you this weekend.

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    3. Andy, sometimes we "type A" characters need a swift kick in the ass before we reassess.

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  3. Best choice. And you know...I don't know if I've ever met anyone whose original plan is still the plan that they are doing!

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    Replies
    1. Very true. What was the Beatles' line? "Life is what happens while you're making plans"?

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  4. I am sorry. I can only imagine how tough it would be. I hope you get lots of rest and this will be good for you to finish your book while you relax!

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