Hair wars.

Tuesday was a big day for me: my first job interview since moving back to Canada. I won't tell you about the job, because I don't want to jinx anything, but I will talk about my hair catastrophe.

I have bad hair. Thin, fine, straight as a pin. With considerable effort - and lots of "product" - I can usually convince it to perform adequately for a couple of hours. But there's a hitch: humidity absolutely kills any styling I do. Where once there was bounce, there will be flop. Where once there was curl, there will be wilt. Picture wilted lettuce. It's a sad thing. Especially when it's on your head.

To make things worse, if I sweat - oh, wait, I forgot: women don't sweat, they glow - fine, if I glow, then all bets are off. My hair will plaster itself to my scalp like an old bathing cap. Not flattering, unless you're Sinead O'Connor or Natalie Portman.

I used to have a bathing cap exactly like this one.
I absolutely LOVED it!
P.S. Someone needs to teach this girl how to pluck her eyebrows. Just sayin'.
Source: http://www.bathingcaps.ca/contents/en-us/d3.html

Problem 1: We are in the middle of a brutal, high-humidity heat wave here. (Gee, do I ever wish our pool were already constructed!)
Problem 2: Even without the heat wave, I am at that stage in life where my body temperature is set about 5 degrees hotter than everyone else's. This causes me to glow.

So I carefully considered what to do with my hair today for this big interview. In the end, I decided to put it up in a French twist. Like this (only with less hair):

MUCH better looking than the bathing cap!
Source: http://qwickstep.com/search/french-twist-hair-style.html

For about four days before the interview, I practiced the style. I road-tested it: driving around, walking in wind, adjusting amounts of hairspray, how many pins, etc. I found it worked best if I pinned it up while it was still wet; it only took four pins, and it lasted easily four hours with hairspray. I was convinced I had it nailed.

But about ten minutes into the hour-long interview, I felt something heavy against my neck. Yup, my hair was falling, sliding gradually out of its style. I casually reached up to touch it and discovered that a WHOLE CHUNK of hair was now draping down my back. As inconspicuously as possible (HAH!), I pulled out a pin and tucked that chunk back into place.

Moments later, I felt another tress fall. I pinned it back up.

Honestly, I lost track of how many times I tried to rescue that hairdo. I hope it was only three. Finally, I gave up. I took pity on the poor interviewers (who were probably feeling sorry for me and becoming annoyed with my fussing), and I yanked out the pins and let the hair fall limply down my back. It was still wet (because, remember, my testing showed that was best) and straggly. It was awful.

But I had to stop fussing with the damned hair and pay attention to the questions!

Later, I puzzled over what had possessed my demon hair: why had my road tests worked, but the actual run failed?

Answer: hair conditioner.

Because my hair is so fine, conditioner leaves it limp, so I usually skip it. Today, however, in my efforts to look polished and professional, I not only applied conditioner, but I actually let it sit for three whole minutes just like the directions say.

And four measly pins could not tame the slick, silky, sodden mass of my hair.

Sigh. I suppose I could consider wigs.