Fifty Ways to Leave Your Covers

Sleeping Beauty
Photo credit: Prince Charming

On Facebook this morning, I posted the following status:

I posted it because I truly have a hard time waking up. Often, the voice of Neil Sedaka swam through my head as I hit the snooze button.

Within minutes, a sharp-witted friend posted a comment saying, "Fifty ways to leave your covers." And the games began. Here, therefore, for your amusement, is our adaptation of Paul Simon's song, with thanks to Martha and Pete.

Fifty Ways to Leave Your Covers

"The problem is all inside your bed,"
She said to me.
"The answer is easy if you
Don't take it drowsily.
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To wake up.
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.

She said, "It's really not my habit
To sleep nude,
Even so, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued.
But I'll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude,
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.
Fifty ways to leave your covers."

[CHORUS:]
"Hop outta the sack, Jack.
Make a new bed, Jed.
Don't fluff that pillow!
Just listen to me.
Throw back the quilt, Wilt
You don't need to hit snooze much!
Just lose the duvet, Ray
And make yourself tea."

She said, "It grieves me so
To see you sleep again,
I wish there was something I could do
To help you greet the dawn."
I said, "I appreciate dreams.
But would you please explain
About the fifty ways?"

She said, "Why don't we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You'll begin to see the light."
And then she kissed me,
And I realized she probably was right:
There must be fifty ways
To leave your covers.
Fifty ways to leave your covers.

More Bathroom Drama

In my previous installment, I shared the story of someone in our office building who felt entitled to store her personal stash of tampons in the shared bathroom. In the end, I spoke with her (by phone), and she agreed to keep her personal supplies at her desk.

It also turned out that she was, indeed, the same woman who periodically blow-dries her hair and does her make-up in the washroom. While that is not totally out of line (she doesn't leave her grooming equipment there), it still is unusual, as this is not a change room.

Anyway. Things are under control there.

As we shared this story with our male colleagues, we learned that there was a similar problem going on in the men's room: there was a man who was fastidious about NOT touching the door handle after washing his hands. But, instead of using the paper towel to open the door, then disposing it in the garbage can (either in the restroom or at his desk), he would drop it on the floor.

Wha'?

Through surreptitious means, we have deduced that the culprit is from the same office as the offending woman. They must have an interesting culture there. Kind of "OCD meets dorm room," I'm thinking.

I was feeling pretty curmudgeonly about all this until I came across this article, about the "Top Ten Poop Bandits." Yup. There's a list. And we have NOTHING to complain about.

Perspective, folks, it's all about gaining perspective.

Deck the Halls!

Today, my daughters came over to help me trim the Christmas tree.

Katie puts my favourite tiny baubles on the tree.

The girls were in a joyful mood and even played and sang along to AC/DC's "Big Balls." Definitely not my kind of holiday music, but we soon switched to my Ella Fitzgerald music. 

Steve played keep-away with the angel.

We decorated the new mantel.

The "ornament" is actually a placecard holder, but it's lost the holder part.

Afterwards, I had the girls pose for a couple of pictures.

And here is the result of their labour.

Parenting Challenge: Community

As with most modern parents, our children have always had assigned chores, starting with setting the table and going all the way up to preparing meals or doing the entire household's laundry. Assigning each of them these responsibilities was often more work than simply doing the chore ourselves, but we felt it important to teach our kids responsibility and skills for independent living.

One of the aspects of teaching the sense of responsibility - owning the chore - was that we did not step in and do the chore for them, unless there was an extenuating circumstance. Ordinarily, we would stand back and just . . . nag, until the chore got done. Or dock allowance or come up with other consequences if we finally had to step in and do it ourselves.

But, while this approach worked with younger children, what we've failed to inculcate as our children have become young adults, I think, is a sense of communal responsibility.

Let me explain.

A couple of months ago, we had a staffing change at work; one of the long-term employees retired and another one left. Shortly after that, I noticed that people were leaving their dishes in the sink, rather than putting them right in the dishwasher. Worse, they refused neglected to empty the clean dishwasher.

After talking with another colleague, it came out that people used to think that it was the former employees' responsibility to see to the kitchen. But it was not; it was a communal responsibility (as I had always assumed).

Ideally, a strong team would recognize a gap and - like ants working synergistically - someone would step forward without being told.

As I pondered the challenge at work, I realized that my own children were not learning to think communally. We had developed a habit of leaving our own dirty dishes on the counter if the chore owner had not yet emptied the dishwasher.

It was no one's assigned chore to wipe the counters or walls, so it didn't get done (except by me or Steve).

In fact, there were many, many tasks that our kids were just blind to.

My new challenge to the kids is to be more of a community of adults: people who see something that needs doing and just . . . do it. It's a lot to ask of them, and it requires trust.

It occurs to me that it also demands a new approach to "positive reinforcement." Rather than Steve and I being the only ones to acknowledge or thank someone else's contribution, it should, perhaps be the "owner" of that chore to acknowledge that someone helped out, find that person and thank him or her.

Still not sure how this would apply to the non-assigned tasks.

I'm honestly not sure how well it will work, but it is something that I'm going to strive for. I hope that, ultimately, our kids will be better partners, roommates, co-workers, and people because of it.

Wish me luck.

Things to do while you are temporarily blind.

This picture will make sense if you
continue reading.

This afternoon, as my field of vision was slowly consumed by a migraine-induced growing blind spot, ringed by kaleidoscopic rays, I got bored.

Sure, the first 15 times or so, it was interesting. Well, after it stopped being scary, that is.

For a while, I would close my eyes and "watch" the light show. Often the aura was not even followed by a headache, so it really was nothing more than a 20-minute visual interlude.

However, they have become so frequent - every five to 15 days - that I've simply lost patience with them. Also the other effects (nausea, headache, stupidity) are becoming increasingly troublesome. And they are inconveniently boring.

I would imagine that people with progressive permanent blindness have ways of coping with the impairment. And I can't imagine the mental anguish that comes with permanently losing your sight.

For the few of us who experience temporary or recurrent episodes of blindness, as I do with migraines, it presents a slightly different challenge.

So, today I consulted a few of my fellow temporary-blindness sufferers and asked them what were their "go-to tactics" for (1) relieving boredom and (2) calming anxiety when afflicted. Here are their tidbits, along with my own.

Relieving boredom: 

• Listen to music. (satellite radio or iPod/MP3)
• Snuggle with pets or loved ones.
• Daydream! (Something we rarely get to do!)
• Listen to audio fiction, if you want to rest your brain.
• Listen to audio non-fiction if you want to exercise your brain. "I miss the exchange of ideas that happens when you're young and in college. And when I read now, I tend to want a break from seriousness, but the few times I listen to "Ideas" on CBC Radio 1 I find myself remembering what it was like to learn new things!"
• Eat. (Coincidentally, I had just picked up some soup and fresh fruit for lunch; easy enough to eat without a full field of vision). Possibly not the best tactic for me to use every time my brain hiccups.
• Sleep - if you can and are in the right place.
• Get a facial, massage, manicure or pedicure - if you have the time, and if you don't have to drive. (I seriously considered this today, but had just gotten my nails done on the weekend. And I don't like massages.)

Calming anxiety:

• Sing. "I sing "my favorite things" from The Sound of Music to myself."
• Snuggle with pets or loved ones
• Take a bath
• Sleep
• Talk with someone
• Get a massage, if you're into that.

There must be other ideas we've missed . . .  Share your ideas.